Saturday, February 27, 2010

New World Record Trophy

Yesterday UPS delivered the Bill from my taxidermist.  It's great!

It originally green scored 3.4567--much larger than the then current world record.  After the mandatory 90 day drying period it now measures 3.3791.  That is .0009 higher than the previous world record.

The taxidermist did a first-class job.  Many people like their mallard bills mounted on a shoulder mount, but I prefer just the bill mounted on mahogany.  Under the bill there is a brass plaque that attests to its world record status.  MY GAWD!  .0009 larger than the previous!

When my friends see the mount they will know that I am a master hunter and that to take such a magnificent mallard with such a magnificent bill takes a truly great hunter.  No one else could have seen and taken a mallard that scores so well.  One of those undeniable facts.

Now, on to better things.  Even before I knew that the mallard bill was going to make the new world record, I had been planning my next trophy hunt to the Alaskan tundra north of the Brooks Range.  Since it is new, you may not have heard about the newest world record mosquito proboscis.  I haven't actually seen the world record, but the number two was displayed in a Reno casino this past January--what a nose!  It scored .650324.

I can't give out the name, but I have been in contact with a mosquito-proboscis-guide in the north country.  He can't guarantee that he has "seen" one to match or exceed the world record, but he said that he has felt a few that must be world records.

I can't wait.  When I have both a world record mallard bill and a world record mosquito proboscis on my wall people will know that I am somebody.  Many hunters can estimate a monster whitetail or world class bull elk, but few have the calibrated eyeball that can discern the royal mallard bill or a majestic mosquito nose.

Future post:  "Scoring the bacterium, Staphylococcus aureus."  (A post that has been planned for quite some time.)


The Suburban Bushwacker said...


EcoRover said...

Funny. this is probably why I leave elk antlers much of the time instead of packing them out with the meat. Probably should have went back for those 340s though...